“What’s the next step?” This question has echoed through my thoughts on numerous occasions. At each crossroads, whether it be a fork in the path, a steep cliff, a valley’s embrace, or an unmarked trail, I’ve found myself entangled in unease, pondering the vast expanse that lies ahead. It’s like staring into an empty canvas, where the strokes of direction are yet to materialize, leaving me in a bewildering state of uncertainty.

Part of this inner turmoil can be attributed to the world’s unending pursuit of various facades of fulfillment—tangible treasures, triumphs, connections, vocations, and beyond. Yet, let’s not hastily cast all blame on these external pressures, for I am acutely aware of an enduring wellspring of fulfillment that transcends time, rooted in my bond with Christ. It’s an undeniable truth, even though, at times, I am humbly reminded of my innate human fragility–“I’m only human, after all!”

During my days in school, excelling in academics reigned as the ultimate sign of fulfillment. I was caught in the whirlwind, chasing that universally sanctioned number on my report card. Next, the race shifted to securing a prime course and college. Afterward, the goalpost moved to a respectable job, followed by the union of marriage. Swiftly, within a year of wedlock, the focus shifted again to having children and accruing material wealth. These checkpoints serve as society’s measuring sticks for life’s accomplishments. Honestly, I failed at more than one checkpoints and, even the ones I hit were not fulfilling. I am sure there are many like me out there.

I wanted to be the best though, and especially after marriage it became a matter of survival for me. It came to a point where I felt I have to prove that I am good and worth it, especially to my husband’s family. Initially I felt sacrifice would show how selfless and respectful I am but it backfired. I was left questioning myself of the decisions I took that led me to point of regret.

When I left my job as a journalist in a reputed national media house, a part of me died. That part contained confidence, pride and self-sufficiency. I felt powerless. Suddenly, everyone looked at me with pity, so to prove them wrong I took up every other freelance work offered to me, mindlessly, might I add. I thought it would change things but it did not. Things went from bad to worse when I moved from India to the UAE. People usually move to a foreign country in hopes of securing a fancier life and better job prospects but it was the opposite for me. I died a little every day. I felt like Joseph in the pit, except I had no dreams. 

For days together, I did not even want to comb my hair or step out of the house. I started eating to beat the gloom because that is what people in the UAE do–fill their stomachs so much that they have no space for anything else. Yes, there were things like I got my book of poetry published, took up interesting ghostwriting projects, worked as an independent journalist but…nothing gave me fulfillment.

I went all the way to Rome, Italy, to find fulfillment. It wasn’t there! I asked several elders in my church and Christian circle as to why I feel this way. And all of them said that “We pray that you find fulfillment in things like family and children rather than career and accolades!”

Here’s some news:
The things of this world will never be able to give us complete and true fulfillment.

Academic excellence, high-paying jobs, material possessions, children, relationships–absolutely nothing! Neither my purpose in life nor my ministry will fulfill me. There will always be a little something that just does not make it complete. 

Picture this: You have a puzzle inside you, and God holds the missing pieces. Many times, we get tricked into thinking someone else, like a husband, children, or something else, will complete our puzzle. But here’s the secret: only God has those special pieces. People can’t fill the whole puzzle; they’re not meant to. That feeling of something missing? It’s because we forget our main goal: to know and make God happy. That’s the key to real fulfillment.

Our fulfillment comes from God. Had God granted me fulfillment outside Himself, that very entity or individual would dethrone Him in my heart’s hierarchy. As solely God can genuinely satisfy, fulfillment would forever elude me! Note that being fulfilled in God transcends the fleeting pleasures, relationships and pursuits of the world. 

We are not called to live as per a worldly standard of fulfilment but to set our minds on the things above; to look towards our Heavenly Father for fulfilment. David teaches us this in Psalms 63: 1-8

“O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you 

in this parched and weary land where there is no water.
I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. 

Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you!
I will praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer. You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy. I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night. Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely”

Penned by King David, often lauded as a man after God’s heart, a splendid depiction of discovering fulfilment through our bond with God unfolds in this chapter. Herein lies a pivotal principle:

Desire for God+ Relationship with God = Fulfilment in Life 

Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” 

It’s super important to posture our hearts just right, so that our first thoughts aren’t about what we want, but about finding joy in God! The Bible tells us to “Delight in the Lord”, and if we do, He’ll make our heart’s wishes come true! When we put God’s joy first, He’ll make our desires match what He wants for us! By finding joy in God, we’ll be so happy because He keeps giving us more of Himself, and that never stops! This is where we start to truly feel fulfilled in God!

May His Spirit awaken a new generation, deeply valuing God, where finding joy in Him becomes an unquenchable delight surpassing all the world can provide.

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Consider this: A.W. Tozer said, “We pursue God because, and only because, He has first put an urge within us that spurs us to the pursuit (and) when the Holy Spirit shows us God as He is we admire Him to the point of wonder and DELIGHT.” This week, let us try to shift our focus from things of the world that promise to fulfill us, to posturing our hearts towards truly understanding the meaning of delighting in God:   Delight in the wonders of our God: We all have a natural pull to look up to our heroes – those athletes, musicians, and stars who impress us. It’s fun to keep up with their achievements. But God made us with a deep craving to be amazed by everything awesome about Him and how truly great He is. Relying on someone human to fill up this craving just won’t give us that real happiness and fulfilment we’re searching for.   Delight in the Lord’s presence: The Lord wants us to turn our hearts towards Him for incredible joy. James 4:8 says, “Come close to God, and He will come close to you.” Imagine that! God, who made everything, wants to be near you.  It is great to do “good things for God” and everything tagged “ministry” but if that causes you ignore His messages in the Bible, you won’t feel His presence as much, and your connection with Him will suffer. Remember Mary, Martha’s sister? She chose the better thing that lasts.