“Low white blood count”
This was the main thing that stuck in my head from the list that the lady on the other end of the phone line said; my heart dropped. For me, low white count meant just one thing at the time—the big C, Cancer.
April, 2019: I was frequently having throat infections and fatigue of sorts. I always pointed the reason to my children, three and six-year-olds, bringing home all the bugs from their school. All this was until I started getting random bruises on my body. I am a very clumsy person however I remember my bumps and scrapes—the ones on my body were appearing without apparent reason. I didn’t think it was anything serious but booked a doctors appointment anyway, just to be safe. It was on a Friday afternoon that I met the doctor and my blood test was scheduled for the next day early morning. It was on that Saturday afternoon that I got a phone call from the hospital. Initially, the person on the other end rattled off a lot of numbers and then mentioned, ‘low white blood cell count’—words that got me all panicky. I was asked to go to the hospital right away. I hung up the phone, sat on the bed and burst into tears. Maybe, I was being over-dramatic and blowing things out of proportion, or there must be something seriously wrong, I thought.
My husband Tim and I were whisked through the waiting area of the hospital pretty quickly. That evening, I was put on a bed in the haematology ward. We weren’t sure what was going on at this point but one thing that we did was pray—throughout the car ride, we kept asking God to give us peace on whatever this was going to be. A consulting doctor came to see me and we discussed what was most likely to be the diagnosis—leukaemia. A bone marrow biopsy was scheduled for the next day (Monday) and the results were to come on Tuesday. What a way to start the Easter holidays!
The biopsy was uncomfortable, to say the least—a long needle goes into bone and extracts fluid from it to run the tests on the marrow. The tests showed if there was a production of healthy marrow.
Acute Myeloid Leukaemia—this was the diagnosis we got, Tuesday morning. This type of leukaemia progresses quickly and aggressively; so, the treatment had to be started immediately. One week of intense chemotherapy—a mixture of different bags of chemo at different times during the day and quite a few injections too)—followed by staying at the hospital until all my counts hit normal. And then the plan was to take me through three more rounds of chemo, after which I would be given a stem cell transplant (if a donor was found). This is a process in which the patient is given a donor’s healthy marrow that lays the groundwork for new marrow to be produced, hopefully healthy.
Cancer was hard, both mentally and physically. It is scary, tiring and so many other emotions. Life throws at you all these unexpected curve balls but knowing God and his power during these tough times definitely helps; it did for us. One of my first questions, after I got my diagnosis, was—“Will I able to go and see the movie Avengers: Endgame?” You may laugh at my question, but my family and I are hardcore Marvel fans. Funnily enough, I wasn’t allowed to go out as it was during my recovery time when my body was highly susceptible to infections; even a minor flu could kill me because of severely low immunity.
The initial few days of the treatment went fine. I almost felt like I was getting a little skive off doing the usual household chores—getting the kids from school, washing dishes, laundry. Then, it all came down like a tonne of bricks on me. Fatigue, which is one of the major side-effects of my treatment, made passive activities like sitting down and taking a couple of steps to the bathroom extremely difficult. Coupled with that was constant nausea which made me not want to eat anything —I am a big foodie and this was a real downer for me.
Through this season of chemo and frequent hospital visits, my amazing friends and family have supported us non-stop. They visited me, chatted with me, brought me food that I craved—the kind that didn’t make me sick. They helped take care of the kids when Tim had to work. Above everything, they prayed without giving up. My church family was super supportive as well—they sent me prayers and encouraging verses via text. It was lovely to read all the text although, sometimes, I couldn’t even muster the energy to pick my phone and just read. Funny how I went from being an avid texter to dreading the idea of just picking up my phone. However, I started a WhatsApp group to keep my friends and family updated about things going on in my life so that I did not have to retype and send the same thing to different people. It was amazing to see how the group constantly kept on praying for me; how they posted words of encouragement, YouTube links of worship songs, Bible verses and text prayers. I felt very blessed that people actually wanted to message me when there was so much going on in their own lives.
One day, a neighbour brought me a small curved wooden cross, palm-size. It reminded me of how He took our pain, our sin and our worries. Whenever I felt exhausted and didn’t feel like talking to anyone— especially during the initial few weeks after my hair was shaved off—I would look at the cross and remind myself to talk to the Lord in prayer, even just small prayers. I was not really bothered about the hair loss part of the treatment, but when it came to having it shaved off, I broke down. Before this, I felt the cancer in my body and now, I could see it; not just me, everyone could see it— the typical cancer look. “He will cover you with His feathers. He will shelter you with His wings. His faithful promises are your armour and protection” (Psalm 91:4). Although I had read and heard this verse many times, it suddenly had a whole new meaning in my life. God had my back.
My friends and family knew what to say and when to say it. It is so amazing when God blesses you with the right set of people to grow and know the Lord. They stood in the gap and PRAYED.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” Isaiah 41:10
I found myself knowing that whatever path I was on, the Lord was with me and my family and was walking right along beside us.
Fast forward to August 2019: I finished my fourth round of chemo. My previous test results had shown that I had bad genetic markers but it was a blessing in disguise. Since it was so bad, it somehow meant that it was easier to treat and that I wouldn’t need a bone marrow transplant. By end of September, I was let to go home for good; there were check-ups every three months though. God had worked through it all for my good. I am currently in cellular remission and whilst there is a small fear in me that the cancer may come back one day, if it does, we know God is right there with us and will be guiding us the whole way. We thank God every day that He carried us through this stressful phase. I won’t lie, but there was a point when I thought that I wouldn’t get to see my son’s seventh birthday. My mind threw around thoughts and questions like, “will my children remember me if something would happen to me?” “I’m going to miss so many special occasions in their lives,” but all fears and doubts would clear when I talked to God. We kept trusting in Him and He made us strong. A stronger husband and wife, a stronger family and made my body strong again. Through it all, I am super grateful to God for taking me through it and bringing me out of it. I cherish every moment now—the time with my family, church, friends and neighbours. I appreciate these moments more now than ever and I know that when that day comes for me to go and be with the Lord I won’t be as worried.
P.S: I did get to see Avengers: Endgame; a month later though. It was great but nothing compared to the awesomeness of my Redeemer.
Consider this
Trust: Proverbs 5:6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall make your path straight.” Your understanding may profusely shout a lot of things but rest in the Lord and His sovereign ways.
Thrive: The word means to grow vigorously, to flourish. How is it even possible to grow when your body is giving up on you? Well, there is a God who never does. He continues to water the plant that you are, no matter what. Even if you are on marshy, rise up like the lilies—fight all the battles that pull you down, on your knees. “Those who trust in riches will fall but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf” (Proverbs 11:28).
Thank: It is so important to be grateful to the ones around you, and above all, to God, for all the big and small things they do for us. Learn to appreciate the tiniest things in life; trust me, it would make so much happier.
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Testify: Don’t contain the miracle that God has given you, encourage others by talking about it. There are so many who might be going through similar seasons of pain, shame and doubt, and sometimes, your testimony of how God helped you through that season can bring hope into their situation. Have no shame to witness God and His work in your life.
“For you will be a witness for Him to all men of what you have seen and heard” (Acts 22:15).
“Everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, Jesus said” (Mathew 10:32)