To pray OR not to pray?

Why am I stuck here? Why is there so much pain? Why did I have a loss?

There have been numerous ‘why’ moments in my life, especially when it comes to unanswered prayers. In the past few months, I have hit low points when I wondered if God had abandoned me when He did not answer my prayers the way I hoped He would; I felt like I am not worthy of good things. It is easy to quit talking to God just like how we withdraw from people who disappoint us; mostly, the reason we run to God in prayer can be the same that makes us run away from Him. Our stay in Thailand was supposed to be a short one; a place of transit. However, we stayed in this foreign land for over three months and during this season, God, in His grace, unveiled my spiritual eyes to see the negative spiral of faithlessness that I was stuck in; He not only convicted me but also gave me the wisdom to put an end to it. I got to spend more time with God and His Word, and truly understand what it means to ‘pray with expectancy.’ I was introduced to spiritual giants like Corrie ten Boom and George Müller who endured fiery trials in their lives. Just reading about their lives has been an encouragement for me to persevere on. My recent read was Müller’s book ‘Answers to Prayers’ which is a compilation of his narratives. My spirit thoroughly rejoiced as I read through the pages. Just imagine, this man jotted down over 50,000 miracles over his lifetime.

Müller was a Christian evangelist and philanthropist; he cared for over 10,000 orphans during his lifetime. Answers to Prayers chronicles how Müller was successful in his ministry of providing for thousands of orphans—all of which is attributed solely to the vital practice of prayer. It talks about how he completely puts his trust in God for his every need, both earthly and spiritual; even for the tiniest detail of his life. Interestingly, Müller’s early life was not what one could call righteous; on the contrary, he was a thief, liar and a gambler. While in seminary, he described his teen years as—“wicked behaviour and unrepentant spirit…Despite my sinful lifestyle and cold heart, God had mercy on me. I had no Bible and had not read any Scripture for years. I seldom went to church; and out of custom only, I took the Lord’s Supper twice a year. Nobody told me that Jesus was meant for Christians, by the help of God, to live according to the Holy Scriptures…” Ah! Such joy to see an empty life transformed into an example. This is really proof that God’s love can soften the toughest of people.

The book clarified my biggest ‘why’ of this season—“Why should I pray when God does what He needs to do according to His sovereign plan?” Müller’s narratives spoke into me some precious truths. I could relate to him in more than one way. His love for orphans reminded me a lot of my father. And even the bit, where he prayed for the healing of his wife to whom he was married for 39 years, spoke deeply to me. His prayer for his wife shows how much he trusted God, without an ounce of doubt. And, how he never limited God’s power even when it came to the gravest of ailments. This is what he said in his narratives with regard to praying for his wife:

This instance reminded me of how my family and I relentlessly prayed for my father’s recovery when he fell extremely sick and thereafter, how Joel and I went on to pray for him to be raised from his death bed. And, like Müller we could say that ‘our heart is at rest.’

Despite seeing thousands of prayers answered, Müller did not see a miracle in his wife’s case. Yet he kept on moving forward with his unwavering faith in the character of God and trust in the truth of God’s word. His example has challenged me greatly. Müller’s chief passion was to live a life that shows that God is REAL, He is TRUSTWORTHY and, that He ANSWERS PRAYERS. He built his orphanages the way he did to help Christians trust God. Yes! CHRISTIANS. He is very explicit about the aforementioned in his narratives. He says the orphan houses exist to display that God can be trusted; to encourage Christians and believers to take God at His Word. He said that God had given him the mercy to take God at His word and rely on it. He was grieved that so many believers—people like me—are stressed in their minds on the account that they cannot fully trust in the Lord. The grace that Müller had to trust God’s promises and his grief for fellow believers were some of the main reasons he wrote his narratives. With his orphan houses and narratives, he wanted to give open proof that God can be trusted with the practical affairs of our lives.

In Answers to Prayers, he talks about how God sowed the desire to start the orphan house at a time when he did not have the resources to start it. He wrote:

“…if it were His will, He would provide not merely the means, but also suitable individuals to take care of the children…”

…God might be magnified by the fact that the orphans under my care are provided with all they need, only by prayer and faith without anyone being asked by me or my fellow laborers whereby it may be seen that God is Faithful still and hears prayer still.”

Müller’s sole objective was to magnify God in whatever he does and also to make Christians understand that God hears prayers even today; that our Heavenly Father can be trusted. This bit strengthened my faith and gave me a deep understanding of the fact that God honours people who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). Prayer, along with faith is a remedy to show the ungodly world and doubting church that “God will not abandon those who search for Him (Psalm 9:10).” And this turned into my prayer–Help me to trust in You deeply and wholly! I started to pray with expectancy and my heart was at rest when I gave the steering wheel to God. When we pray with expectancy and faith, our ‘why’ moments will no longer keep us stuck or steal our joy. Our God answers. He turns all our miseries into a masterpiece. And, most of all, ‘whatever He does is for our good.’

This year, my life was in shambles when I lost my father. I dwelt in the pain of loss for months. But it triggered a new passion in me to complete unfinished work. Yes, I miss my father but I am excited about this new journey that I am on, taking on his passion for Christ and bringing it to fruition. One thing I can boldly say is that, God has been my crutch through this process of healing, learning and, of course, unlearning. From entering Thailand just at the right time to being stuck in this foreign land for over three months, God has been faithful. My heart was so troubled when Joel and Sairah got tested positive for Covid-19. According to Thai rule, the Covid-hit patients should quarantine in a hospital for 14 days. I was perplexed during this time as we had no friends or family in Thailand to help us out. But God came through for me; not just for me but also for my family. When the hospital staff ran serology tests on Joel and Sairah, they found high amounts of antibodies in their systems, like that of a vaccinated individual. Neither Joel nor Sairah took the vaccine. Like my husband puts it, we only have the J-vaccine (Jesus vaccine) in our bodies. So, instead of staying in the hospital for 14 days, Joel and Sairah were allowed to go home in six and four days respectively. Like Müller puts it—“Oh! the blessedness of trusting Christ!” My stay in Thailand taught me how good our God is, that He hears and answers my prayers and that there are so many seen and unseen blessings that He gives me every single day. I learned how to take God for His Word and to trust God with all the practical affairs of my life, even in the most agonising moments. And now, with boldness, I can say, “My heart is at rest, I am satisfied with God!”

 God is in the business of answering prayers. He answers prayers not because we deserve it but because He is good and that He loves us. So, PRAY!—constantly, expectantly and diligently. Nothing is too difficult for Him.

In the words of Corrie ten Boom — Let God’s promises shine on your problems.