Dear Bathsheba,
Tried to dwell into the mystery that you are,
On the escutcheon of David you left a sinful scar,
You were all alone, your husband was at war,
That’s when David spotted you and purity, he did mar.
Your beauty, a bait for the outrageous disgrace,
The fault is not all yours but neither could you efface,
The adamant stain that clutched onto his robe,
But David was a king so you faced no severe probe,
I know you did not purposely make his heartthrob,
Scared or vulnerable? When you let him turn the knob?
I wonder what you felt when you saw that sinful welt,
foolish, how David dealt,
With guilt that refuses to melt.
Haunting bedspreads of unfaithfulness, it smelled,
a burdened heart, where now fear and lies dwelt,
It stopped you from even looking at your husband,
even when he laid drunk, you did not attend.
You lost your husband, then lost your first son,
You knew this was because of what you have done,
I am sorry that it had to be this way,
But God did not let your sorrows stay,
He gave you Solomon, whom until today,
Is spoken of with awe, no words can say.
Thank you, Bathsheba, for showing me,
How vulnerable a woman can be,
Unstable, indecisive; locked with no key,
a veil of guilt; blinded, couldn’t see,
still you are a part of that prestigious genealogy,
and Solomon your son, a cornerstone in history,
You also showed me that God sets you free,
pulls you out from the sinful sea,
wipes you clean, hears every plea,
all you have to do is hold on, not flee.
Love,
The Vulnerable Woman
Insecurity—my kryptonite. I always thought less of myself, I always felt as if the ones around me are plotting against me and, the most recent and biggest one, am I as pretty as the girls who are around my husband? Not a set of pretty thoughts that one should entertain. But, you know the enemy somersaults on your weakest cord. If mine is insecurity, David’s was lust and Bathsheba’s was loneliness. I have put myself in Uriah’s (Bathsheba’s first husband) place several times. If David—touted as man after God’s own heart—fell, then anyone can. Picture the scene: A beautiful young woman bathes on the roof at dusk, espied by the lustful eyes of a hidden admirer. King David, instead of being at the battlefield with his troops, tarried at his palace. As the aphorism goes—“Idle mind, devil’s workshop.” Come on, he had a palace full of wives and concubines and still he wanted to pursue another woman; that too, married! Being content with what you have is not something that humankind has mastered. Soon, David’s minions went to get Bathsheba and he lay with her.
Every time I read this portion, I get disgusted by David and his actions. And Bathsheba, what was she thinking? My degree of paranoia rose to the nth degree. I just lost trust in everybody. The other day, our friends gathered at our place for a time of fun and board games. While leaving, my husband’s friend’s wife pulled him into a hug whereas I was given a handshake. My heart sank. I hated watching the whole scene—it broke me. I was so angered by the whole meet and greet that I lost it. Why didn’t she hug me? How could she pull my husband’s handshake into a hug? What audacity? I immediately figured out that it hit my trigger areas—those inner battles that I still fight every day. I decided to talk about it to my husband. While he did not pay much thought to the hug, I blew it up out of proportion (newly married problems, some say). However, it revealed a fear that I had suppressed inside of me—the fear of losing. The other lady’s pretty face and her sass somehow threatened me. I was scared and the fear resulted in several negative emotions like anger and sadness. I realised that a part of me is vulnerable—weak, without protection, easily hurt.
Now, I cannot justify my reaction and action but my husband, being respectful and accommodating as always, made me understand in a gentle fashion that I needed to submit my insecurities to God and be secure in His love alone. It was high time that I revisited where my identity lies. Maybe for a moment, I forgot my identity as daughter of the King; it was all about being a wife. Yes, I love my husband—a tad too much, for that matter. Especially after the journey that we have both been through, I cherish every day that I have with him. Our arranged marriage love story is another blog altogether—maybe a later time. My love for him, sort of, blinded me of my identity in Christ though. And this area needed some rectification.
Getting back to the crux of the matter: SUBMIT—a word that has repelled me multiple times, however, I needed correction in this area. And God, in His mercy, used my husband to gently call it out. I saw my fears, almost face to face and it wasn’t pleasant, to say the least. I turned into a beast every time somebody remotely touched my triggers. In terms of our marriage, we, together as a team had to build some healthy boundaries when it came to friends and how far is too far when it comes to meet and greet. We also learnt to be open and raw about our feelings no matter how silly or weird they are. As they say, communication is key but patience, gentleness and kindness in it is also super important. Strive to reflect the Fruit of the Spirit every day—that is your yardstick. And be wary, because the enemy prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).
If only Bathsheba could set higher standards for her marriage with Uriah, she wouldn’t have fallen prey to David’s charm (presuming that their sexual act was consensual). The devil used her loneliness and David’s lust to make a concoction of sin. Surely there were consequences, but still God used her to bear Solomon and be a part of the great genealogy. Mysterious, His ways are.
As I work on my insecurities, I urge you to ask God to reveal hidden fears that may be damaging for you and your partner in the long run. Remember, everything will be at bay when your ‘bae’ is kept on the pedestal. But, if you can submit your partner, your fears and insecurities to God then He becomes the glue that holds you intact. A glue that is resistant to all forms of attacks—be it an ugly thought or a pretty girl.
P.S: Make sure you get your emotional and spiritual conditioning regularly. Just take everything to the Lord in prayer.