Dear Sapphira,
Your name means beautiful,
A deep blue jewel, elegant and peaceful,
But you did not live up to that,
Lies, deception—all an act
An underpin for your husband,
And to lie, you weren’t reluctant,
I am not sure what came over you,
To stand with what’s wrong, and see it through
You were worried about your tomorrow,
The one you planned with Ananias; the one with no sorrow,
You kept the money aside so you wouldn’t have to beg or borrow,
But little did you know that you’d be hit with death’s arrow
Ananias practised what to say,
And you helped him out in the whole play,
You made him go, you chose to stay,
No guilt in you—the small lie seemed okay,
False hope that you’d get away,
Suddenly something inside you turned grey,
As you got worried about your husband’s delay,
And you went searching for him in dismay,
Fear inside, a sudden fray,
Curiosity, a remorseful ray,
And regret that you chose to stay.
Your husband, dead,
The price he paid, for the lie he said,
Still you chose to lie again,
Your plans for tomorrow,
All in vain,
As you dropped dead,
Holding on to that perfidious thread,
Why did you let your mind be fed,
With worry for posterity, clothing and bread
Thank you Sapphira for your story taught me,
That when you give to the Lord, you shouldn’t foresee,
And that lies don’t set you free,
But drowns you in its dreadful sea
You stood by your husband,
But you stood for wrong,
He might have been weak,
but why weren’t you strong,
Your scripted lie, it didn’t take you long,
Why did you do it?
Why did you play along?
Thank you for now I know,
Untruthfulness bring you woe,
I wish you did not support his flaw,
Wish, if only you said No
Love,
The Hypocritical Woman
Over the years, I have observed that lying comes so easy to people. They might sweat and fret about it for a bit but it fades off after a couple of days—no regret, no remorse. Lies are classified into black and white—telling a lie for a personal benefit is black and telling a lie to please another person is white. The former is frowned at and the latter is sort of encouraged. One thing that is common in both kinds of deception is misleading communication between two or more parties. Whether it is a word of false flattery or the kind with vested motives. I was pretty straightforward with my words growing up—no polished sentences, no empty praises. As a matter of fact, I rarely gave compliments, and that was looked down on. As I grew older, my family tried to thrust this idea of being ‘pleasing’. With time, I learnt the art of empty flattery. I understood that both fast growth and power depended on ‘pleasing’ people. One white lie after another, I kept it. Before I knew it, I got quick and really good at it. I wanted everyone to like me and probably this trick did work. Little did I know that I was building a tower of cards. One bad move and Boom! It all fell.
Neither did I have the strength to build it all over again nor did I want to. I was exhausted of all the pretence. Did it get me anything? Yes—a couple of pats on my back, some gifts, position, friends. Did I really need them? Maybe—although I could do with all the aforementioned, I was fine without them as well. Was God glorified in all these white lies? —a Big No! At 23, I understood that hard truth. I did not need anything or anyone in my life that thrived on lies. I was exhausted; I did not have it in me to provide the constant dose of lies that they needed. Once that stopped, a lot of people exited my life, positions and favour lost, and, most of all, I lost power—the power to influence people and their decisions, power to control others’ emotions and power to make myself seem pleasing. It may have been white lies said to please people but it was all black since I had a vested interest in each and every white lie, I said.
God taught me the meaning of being real. I was convicted and I repented immediately. But that was not the end to it. There is always relapse in the case of these acquired traits—that too, an aggressive version of it. Mine happened after I got married. My mother-in-law is a spiritual person and she never says anything that hurts another. In the process, she tends to offer empty praises every now and then. She found favour in everybody’s eyes. I wanted that favour. So, I absorbed her ways and even took it a notch up. Initially, I was real with my emotions but that was often frowned at. Every time there was an emotional low or a disagreement between my husband and me, it was often seen as a sign of lack of prayer. My temper bouts were also looked at as a spiritual insufficiency. So, I masqueraded all these negative emotions with a bunch of lies. All this, for some favour and appreciation. It was as if there was an award for the best daughter-in-law in town. Thus began a cycle of white lies. I pleased people as much as I could. I also started filling myself with a bunch of lies as to how an ideal wife and daughter-in-law should be to a point that it began to hurt me. Everything turned into a competition for me. From making the morning tea for my husband to getting involved in everything that he was associated with just to show that I am multi-talented. I felt that I had to prove myself. I tried to fight for that number one position. But this race broke me a little every day.
It all started going downhill when my mother-in-law began making the morning tea for my husband as she is the first to wake up. I took it as my inefficiency to wake up before her. Another factor in this situation is that my love language is service and I love doing these small things for Justin, so once it was taken away from me, I had withdrawal. On day one, I swallowed my anger, day two, I sulked and on day three, my suppressed emotions hit red and I had a breakdown. As silly as it sounds to you, it meant a great deal to me. The lies I told myself—I am an inefficient wife, my mother-in-law is my competition and I have to fight for that number one position in Justin’s life. The lies my mother-in-law subtly fed me— “disagreements and fights in a marital relationship is God punishing us for not praying enough”,
“I am responsible for Justin’s well-being and health” “fair and thin is beautiful” “family business is theirs alone, and I have nothing to do with it.” I felt left out and started drowning in the lies I told myself.
Bouts of depression, anxiety and hopelessness filled me. I stopped running in the race—I gave up. I slept a lot because I was mentally and physically exhausted. And then God spoke through my prayer partner and best friend Tessa that it was time for me to flush out all the lies, one by one. We started praying; it went on for days. It was a difficult process but soon I broke free from this cycle of lies—the ones spoken to me, the ones I told other people and the ones I told myself.
In the case of Ananias and Sapphira, there were lies that were told to them— “it is foolishness to give off everything!”; there were lies that they told themselves— “we can get away with this!”; and then the lie they told God— “this is all of it, the full price!”. They sure did underestimate God and His power. If only they knew. If only they accepted their wrong.
God hates lies—be it white or black. Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord (Proverbs 12:22). Even the lies we tell ourselves on a daily basis can turn out to be damaging. Surely, Ananias and Saphira had good intentions. They had the heart to give—not everything though. Their pragmatic senses must have profusely shouted inside their head to save up for their tomorrow. And they did. However, it wasn’t meant to hurt anyone. Yes, it was a black lie but it all started with a white one—the one where they thought they could please everyone.
Time to flush out all the lies, whatever colour it may be.