Dear Love,
Paired with a smile at every welcome,
I congratulate, I console,
Sans treating anyone like scum,
A sense of belonging among all those who come,
Firm but short, says the rule of the thumb
I don’t talk a lot,
But I release positive energy,
And I am called a radical knot,
That combines love and respect,
comportment outside the books that taught,
Standards of cordiality, well-wrought,
Written mannerisms and etiquettes, well thought,
Idiosyncrasies of ethics, that are never sought,
All these fancy words, I know not,
Yet I radiate all of it, simple and short
Your love is similar to me yet different,
Warm, welcoming, respectful and fervent,
Mindful, sensitive, with clear intent,
Love that has a structure but is beyond barriers,
Love that is accommodating,
Love that cheers,
Love not intimidating rather eliminates all fears,
Love that does not put down,
Constant through the years,
Love that brings a sense of belonging,
Love that gathers tears,
Love overwhelming yet prunes like shears.
Love,
A Firm Handshake
Footnotes
Two weeks ago, my husband and I went to a pharmacy to get some medicines and vitamin supplements. It was a little crowded but we waited in line like the others there for our turn. After we made our order and paid the bill, we stood in another line at the delivery counter. As we were clarifying something with the pharmacist, an old man shouted, “Not everyone in the family should stand here; one person is enough.” His tone was rude and I really wanted to turn and give him a piece of my mind. But I stood there like I heard nothing. He began shouting again and the people around stood there waiting to see if I would respond.
My blood was boiling but I told myself, “not this old man, not today and not this battle.” I stood there with Justin until we finished receiving our order. By that time, the old man was so irritated that he had started pacing angrily inside that tiny shop. As I was leaving, he looked at me like I did a crime. And I did the weirdest thing. I bowed and gestured with my hands to him, “step right in”. The crowd at the pharmacy broke into giggles and I walked away with a smile. The old man stood there stupefied as to what happened.
I could have reciprocated the rudeness and told him that I had every right to stand there. But I bit my tongue and decided not to indulge in any form of argument. At the same time, I wanted him to know that I heard him and understood his plight. So, I chose to make my point with no words. However, I did not feel good about it.
Later that day, I started playing that scene in my head over and over again. I thought of comebacks and dialogues that I could have told him. I felt angry. As a matter of fact, I was angry at the whole grey population and their behaviour towards youngsters.
What if I had reciprocated the anger?—I would have been seen as no different from him. And that day I learnt an important lesson—it is easy to absorb the other person’s negative energy and emotion, and reciprocate it but it takes a lot to produce a greater and opposite positive response. Rudeness is a defence mechanism that most people resort to when it comes to reacting to a situation. But the Lord challenges us to be kind even to the ones who are unkind to us. Be firm on principles and gentle on reacting. That brings us to the analogy of a firm handshake. A mannerism that is mostly used to resolve issues, build bridges, seal deals and most of all, bring about partnership and acceptance. Trust me, the world needs more of this.
Saying no to rudeness comes with practice—a discipline, some say. Surely one does not feel good when they don’t get to do comebacks or resort to vengeful talks. Most people have a sense of losing when they don’t retort but the true the winner is the one who tamed the tongue. The battle with the tongue is REAL. So very REAL. As Shakespeare once quoted (and I modified)—to say or not to, such is the question!
Maybe stick to “not to”.