Not worth it, don’t go running behind it,
I heard the voice in my head; a pint of self-doubt,
Maybe things will change, don’t force it though,
Said many who believed in fate, but couldn’t be so sure,
But “will it?”, I asked with a sense of remorse,
“Shouldn’t I do more to fix it?”, I questioned every advice,
Then a gentle voice calmed my inner demons,
And said, “Sometimes, less is more”,
“There are also times when more is less!”
But nothing really happens when all you do is stress,
Because sometimes you just let the weeds grow,
Although you know it is a mess.
So, don’t go running behind it,
Let go and let God, even the tiniest bit,
Footnotes:
I go into a time of introspection every now and then. Sometimes good, and then there are times that I go into a downward spiral. I am sure it is the case with everybody. Especially during New Year’s Eve, the act of introspection is on a surge. As I thought about my year 2022, I remembered a lot of painful things that happened this year–hurt, loss, rejections and what not. I thought about ways I could have re-painted those scenes. But I can’t, can I? For all I know, I chose to only remember painful memories and all my blessings sort of got vignetted in my picture of 2022. I told God, “I thought it was going to be a good year. What happened, God?”
You know what happened –“ME”
“I” happened in all those scenes. Every time God tried to paint my picture, I took the brush from Him and painted it in the way I wanted. “Would you do that if Van Gogh stood beside you with a brush?”–my head asked my heart. And in a breath, I knew the answer. A big NO! for I have seen and known his work of art.But I did that with God, the MASTER PAINTER, the Master Creator. I have seen and known His work and yet, I snatched every stroke from Him. Self-sufficiency? –No! This was me trying to be in control of my life instead giving that to God. What was the result? –a chaotic painting.
The verse that keeps popping up in my head time and again is, “Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding!” Easily said but so hard to follow. If you have been following my poetry series, I have often mentioned a quote I love, “The opposite of faith is not doubt, it is control!” When you try to take control, everything would seem like a ‘boondoggle’. It is a word for a braided cord worn by boy scouts, which means a wasteful or impractical project or activity.
Two days back, I sat down to think about all the times I felt so helpless that I knew only God could fix that problem. Guess what, all those times God stepped in with His master strokes and made those scenes beautiful. The biggest example is my scholarship in Rome. In my strength, and betting on my colourful CV, I applied to universities where I was sure I would get in. But a couple of rejections told me otherwise. I gave up and I gave in to God– when He took control, He made a way and this path was beautifully laden with things that were beyond my expectations.
This year, I urge you to throw out all that is tagged boondoggle because no amount of fixing that you do will restore it or mend it. Give God the paint brush back and let Him work on your painting for 2023.
I wish you a colourful and blessed New Year.