Dear Threat,
This, that and a lot more in my list of merit,
I am bigger, better than you–oh, the boaster’s wit,
I know all that you know, and all that you don’t,
No, I don’t need to be taught; my medals, I flaunt,
So, move away and go your own way,
Because I don’t need you now, or any day.
No Love, Only Hate,
Pride
Footnotes:
“Why no love, Oshin?”–‘Tis Christmas! I know that this poem is not the cheeriest one but there is an important lesson I learnt during this December through this illustrious description. And the lesson is–“Humility”. The dialogues in the poem are the ones that run in a proud man’s head. I got to hear it first hand when I was 15–in my own head. I was at an age where I really did not like many people and thought everybody was plotting against me. So, I pushed myself to do more and gain more accolades, just to flaunt it in front of people who try to correct or teach me. I always felt the need to prove to others that I am something.
I remember the time when I got convicted of this–it was during a Christmas play. I had one of the leading roles and I was quite proud about it, however, I panicked on the day of the play and forgot all my lines. I had to be taught and for that I had to be humble. A person who I had tagged as “useless” at the time proved to be the most useful person for me that day and in the days that followed. God gently convicted me through another friend that it was time for me to change. She told me that I always looked at the other person as a threat but tries to convince myself that she is not by tagging her useless; this was my pride. That night, I had a dream of myself pushing a wall with “pride” painted all over it. There were sticky notes on this wall with dialogues I said that reflected pride. I heard a voice saying, “This wall won’t move no matter how much you push it, Oshin! It has to be destroyed.” This was the start to my journey of change. Yes, I had bouts of pride in between but I was quick to run to God, repent and consult with Him.
Psalm 138:6 says
6 Though the LORD is exalted, he looks kindly on the lowly; though lofty, He sees them from afar.
I did not want to be far away from God. But in order to do that, I had to be deliberate about change. No, it is not easy but it is definitely possible. Remember, the hard bit is what makes the change sustain.
Although, Christmas is not something that was actively celebrated in my family, I thoroughly enjoyed the festivities and always hoped to host it someday. After I got married, my husband and I hosted a Christmas dinner party for our friends in 2021–this got us both into a lot of trouble and judgement from our families. From questioning our idea of decorating the house and putting up a tree to calling our friends home for a dinner party, we got slammed for following “pagan customs”. It was a time where family competed to prove who was the most spiritual of them all! There was spiritual pride prevailing then. I also found myself proving my point and justifying my actions. I wasn’t humble instead, I was hurt, hurtful and hateful. I came to realization, a little after January and worked on bettering myself.
This December, I had to put my humility and love into action. I sensed “spiritual pride” (Yes, it is a thing!) from a family member. My immediate reaction was, “shut the person out of your life!” but that is not what we are called to do, are we? And, it is the season of togetherness and love–so, I decided to show some tender loving care. I did not want a repeat of last year. “Love is proud!” “Nor is it boastful!”–my mind kept on profusely shouting into my head, “Oshin, you wrote an entire series of poems on these things; it time to put Love into action.”
Me: “But God, the other person didn’t! Why should I?”
The tell-a-tale tone in my phone rings right at the moment. It was my prayer partner and friend talking about how she did something difficult that the Lord asked her to do.
Me: “What are you trying to tell me, God?”
I gritted my teeth and decided to pay scant attention to it. But, the dream I had as a 15-year-old flashed right before my eyes. I heard a voice inside my head, “Oshin, there is no use pushing the wall, destroy it; doing the hard bit makes the change sustain!”
I did what God had told me to do. It was the most difficult thing; it meant stooping down, embarrassment and a ton load of humility. But you know what, it was worth it. “Loving needs a lot of humility, and being humble needs a lot of God!”–this is the message I bring you, this Christmas. We come from different schools of thoughts and blended family backgrounds but while coming together in this season of togetherness, let us keep aside all our preconceived notions and thoughts by being humble enough to accept and accommodate others. I urge you to not make this Christmas about you–keep your degrees, accomplishments, positions and prestige aside and just enjoy the fellowship with God and His people.
May your family Christmas dinner tables be packed with love, grace and joy.