I turned 37 just last weekend—probably the first time I was not very thrilled about my birthday. While many celebrate their late 30s with a lot of pomp, I was wishing for days to magically move from October 16 to 18—the “17th being my birthday.” Low-key, that is what I wanted my birthday to be so that I do not go through a series of varied emotions. I had reasons to pout but I forgot that I had more reasons to celebrate.
During the weeks leading to my birthday, my friends kept asking me if I was planning on doing anything special on my birthday. All I could do was shrug and say, “Nothing!”. I was in no mood to celebrate. But I had asked everyone to pray that I would be filled with God’s peace and joy. And finally, it was the 17th—to my surprise, it was not all that bad. My amazing husband outdid himself, my children made sure I was smiling all day, and friends and family who called from around the world prayed a special blessing over me and strengthened my spirit. I was amazed at how God had carefully planted the right set of people around me—the kind who are patient listeners, quick to correction and ever-loving.
They say birthdays are a great time for introspection and retrospection. And I have come to realise this birthday and over the last one year that the last 36 years of my life, I have been…—pause, sigh—an idol worshipper. A shocker indeed but, unfortunately, this is true and God, in His mercy, helped me identify it. For most of us, idolatry involves an image or a statue and bowing before it. But there is a deeper meaning to this term. The Bible defines idolatry as the worship of something created as opposed to the worship of our Creator. Guess what my idol was— “People-Pleasing”. Sadly, many fail to identify it as an idol.
All my life, I had so much fear about what people thought or said about me. From the smallest to the biggest decision in my life, the first question that would pop up in my mind is what do you think this person would say. Or what do I think that person would do? Instead of—What does God think about it? I struggled with this for 36 long years—always worrying about people’s opinions or comments instead of leaning on God’s promises. I let others’ thoughts about me take first take in my life—more like I let it rule me and my decisions. Their opinions become God for me as they mattered more to me than God. My wise husband called it out gently but as the aphorism goes, ‘old habits die hard.’ He patiently worked on me for a good 10 years. Yes, it has been a struggle but God filled him with so much love and grace. I got convicted and thus, the restoration process began.
The first commandment out of the 10 given to Moses for the people Israel was—You shall have no other gods before me (Exodus 23). The aforementioned means that anything or person I put before God results in breaking His commandment. It could be anything–from checking my social media updates first thing in the morning before seeking God in prayer, to spending more time practicing my musical skills instead of worshipping Him. Family, ministry, and even hospitality could become a god. Anything that takes number one in my life that isn’t God Himself, is an idol. I am sure you weren’t expecting the commandment to be this intense. Does it seem like the Christian walk is difficult? Maybe it is, but the good news is that God is merciful and gives us wisdom and grace to resolve our flaws.
The passage that is often quoted in sermons with regard to people-pleasing is the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10:38-42
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Martha was hospitable and, that is a lovely thing, but if that takes number one position, then it is an idol. This passage taught me that I rather sit at the feet of my Saviour than go after doing things just to please people or get into their good books. I started being intentional about casting away my idols and submitting them to Jesus. This was my prayer on my 37th birthday—“I just want to please Jesus alone!” The audience of one, as many call it. This meant a shift in the posture of my heart over anything else—I had to align it to the rhythm of my Father’s heart. I began asking God to be the centre of everything that I was doing and planning on doing—His Kingdom and Righteousness over everything.
The antidote for idol worship is found in Colossians 3:1-3
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
Everything on this earth is fleeting. Hence, we need to be intentional about setting our eyes on the things of heaven, not of this earth. Remember that, our Saviour is the only person that is of value.
In John 12:42-43,
Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved human praise more than praise from God.
This is a sad reality of what happened to Jesus. The chief rulers feared losing their position; they wouldn’t admit that they knew Jesus. The respect of their peers stopped them from speaking boldly and fiercely about Him. It is easy for us to point our finger at them and say “Aha, how could you do something like that? How could they not stand up for the truth?” Unfortunately, there are many of us who struggle with the same problem. As a matter of fact, I saw myself in those Jewish leaders.
Anything that has our allegiance more than that of God is our idol. But there is hope for us when we bring it to the feet of Jesus. He can restore us and He can help us to come out of it. Keep this in mind: God’s approval is more important than people’s rejection.
Consider this:
Be it your birthday or not, here are three Rs that can help you do a life check to find some hidden, seemingly right wrongs:
Rewind: It is more than fine to revisit your past. While many emphasise looking forward, little do they talk about learning from our past. Our past gives us the reflection of who we were, how much we have grown and areas that still need growth. This is a good way to identify our flaws and make amends with God by our side.
Rework: Age is but a number and there is nothing called too late to make a change. You are never late to begin again. If there are areas that need a rework, start asking God to repair those things. In order to build up, you need to have a strong foundation.
Refocus: God convicts—no condemnation whatsoever. The best part about being conviction is that we get the opportunity to turn around and start moving in a different direction—the way that Jesus points to.