“Pappa!”—Sairah cried in the middle of the night. She had a nightmare. It was not the first time; she has been waking up in the middle of the night or early mornings in the past few months. No matter how deep asleep or tired Joel is, he would wake up, run to the kids’ room, pick her up and bring her to our room. The moment she is with us, she forgets everything and sleeps again like nothing happened. Even at the tender age of 6, she is in a place where she trusts her parents perfectly—she knows her parents would protect her no matter what.
Over the last year, if you have been reading my blogs, you’d know that my family went through a season of wilderness—a process of sanctification, as I like to call it. Most times, we grew to get closer to God, depend on Him alone and be strengthened by the power of His Word and the Holy Spirit. But the month of March was very different, as it marked a year since my Pappa went to be with Jesus, the pain of losing him and the brutally painful experiences that we had to go through after his passing flooded my thoughts and memory. Yes, it was still the wilderness but darker and gory—A lull, a low. I was so bogged down some days I just did not have the strength to continue to stay faithful; I did not have feel I had strength or appetite to read the Bible.
During this time, one of our mentors (thank God for people God puts in our path to speak life over us and we feel lifeless—truly His grace!) encouraged Joel and me to read a book written by R. T. Kendall—‘God meant it for good’. It was revelatory, to say the least. Kendall takes the reader through Joseph’s life—all the way from the pit to the palace. He touched on those long painful years and experiences that Joseph went through despite being obedient and faithful to God. It took a good 18 to 22 years for Joseph’s dream to become reality. But, he never gave up on God or doubted the journey. Even when he was thrown into prison and forgotten by the butler. We were so encouraged to press on after reading the book. As a matter of fact, we were reminded of several other characters in the Bible—Moses, David, Hannah and many others—who in similar seasons of rejection, pain and had to wait before they could fulfil all of God’s plan for their lives.
Despite the spiritual boost we got through the book, I still wasn’t able to completely overturn my lull. It was then that God reminded me through Sairah to “CALL OUT”. He spoke to me through the Holy Spirit to come to His presence just as I am— “you don’t have to be put together,” He reminded me. In the middle of your mess, you can call out to God. And that is exactly what I did. I called out to my Pappa God. He came and lifted me up, and he put me in his arms. A place where I could rest in his presence. And instantly, I felt so much lighter and it gave me the hope to press on through my wilderness season.
God also reminded me of the goldsmith and the refining process of gold. How, my Master Goldsmith is purifying and refining the gold I am to make me pure and beautiful.
Did you know that pure gold is transparent? When the precious is devoid of all impurities and completely refined, it is transparent. I believe God is refining me, inside out. He is doing a new work in me. And I firmly believe, when I am completely purified, people will see the treasure inside of me—Jesus.
This changed my perspective of life and this season of lull. I learnt to trust God through this process of refining. I am being transformed for His glory alone, this I know for sure. It helped me to move ahead, to push myself forward. I felt safe—I knew for a fact that God will never overdo or underdo anything in my life. I had just one prayer through that season— “take me to the level where You want me to be, God.”
Three verses that I held on to during my walk in the dark valley are John 16:33,
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
2 Corinthians 4:17,
“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all”
James 1:2-4
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
All you have to do is TRUST and OBEY—He knows what is best for you. Also sleep in peace, God is on the night shift; He has got your back no matter what.
Consider this:
This season let us learn to trust God and put an END to our doubts and shaky faith knowing as we obey Him there will be an END to this season of wilderness—
E- Eternal perspective. Ask God to give you a perspective of the eternal glory which would help you to press on in the season of wilderness. God has a vision and plan for you, and He takes you through a process of breaking, refining and shaping to fit into that plan. Trust His process and even through your pain, ask God for the grace to see the trials and pain through an eternal lens.
N- New you. God is at work in our lives. Day in and day out, He is transforming us and making us new. Change can be hard, not just for us but also for the ones around us. But know that the change is for good.
D- Determination. Even if there are unknowns, uncertainties and unthinkable ways, God has a way to work through it all. His ways are mysterious says The Word. Know that there is light at the end of the tunnel even if it seems like a dead end. Stay determined to stand on God’s promises for you—He will never let you down.