Dear Love,
I was covered in that transparent sheet with a white floral print,
The receiver was astounded—not a clue, no hint,
The colour of love, that reddish tint,
All in position on a cardboard splint
You saw me arrive at the doorstep,
My proud face brighter as I heard every footstep,
Every petal in place, no damage in transit,
I laughed at You, every taunt like a spit,
A challenge that You’d never be able to do it,
A declaration that my petals gave love the best outfit
The hue of red that made many smile,
And it matched the beige wall with that fancy wall tile,
For three whole days You heard me revile,
But said nothing despite watching my winning guile
Soon, the petals fell out,
I panicked as I saw the first hit the ground,
And then I turned light brown,
I knew at this point You’d frown,
But You didn’t, instead You cleaned the floor,
You stooped down,
No spite, no malice as You watched me breakdown
The tint of red that You shed was brighter than mine,
Still You never said a word when I let my proud face shine,
I let my proud face shine,
You never did compete but Your love was constant,
Love that forgave, from Heaven to Earth sent,
Although, not in pretty wrappers or fine clothing,
Rode a donkey, You were the awaited King,
Whose crimson red absorbed sin’s painful sting,
And yet, You do not fight to prove anything
Love,
The Faded Red Bouquet
Footnotes
This one is dedicated to the married women—THINGS THEY DON’T TELL YOU
To address the title, I have to first brush through things they tell you. When I was about to get married many began talking about the ‘honeymoon period’. They said, “everything changes after that, attraction slowly fades!” I have heard that men generally have a tendency to pursue “shiny new toys” and I was super terrified of this bit. “What if I become boring? What if someone shinier comes along?” I thought. Paranoia gets the best of us. And it got me as well. I just couldn’t trust anyone. Insecurity crept in—I felt zoned out at some point. I was particularly felt threatened by three women. I was green with envy about the way they look, dress and mingle with people. They occupied my thoughts day in and day out. I couldn’t get past thinking about all the things that could go wrong. They texted and acted in ways that were explicitly flirtatious. Maybe they sniffed my insecurity and decided to take a ride on it, maybe this is how they are or maybe it is just because they need attention. Whatever it was, our marriage was on the line.
I was not surprised when I got my first set of putdowns. I expected it at some point. But when it happened, I did not know what to do. I went into a downward spiral of sorts. In panic mode, I tried to copy the traits of these three women and fit in. I lost me in the process and finding myself again was the hardest bit. Soon, I identified the root of this paranoia and distrust—betrayal trauma. I did not even know that such a thing existed. Let us look at the Google definition—”Betrayal trauma is a type of trauma that refers to the pain and emotional distress that occurs when a trusted institution, loved one, or intimate partner violates someone’s trust.” Parents, grandparents, friends and church—I faced betrayal of different intensities from several. Over time, this added on to my baggage of undealt hurt. God, in His grace, gently called this out. And it did not stop there, He showed me how to overcome it—let Him fight it for you. I was doing it in my own strength but when I gave Him the control, things began to change. No, it did not happen overnight. It took a great deal to redirect my focus on Jesus and care less of the shiny things of world that seemed like threats to me at some point earlier.
I am not experienced enough to dole out healthy marriage tips but here is one I learned in the past one year—“don’t lose yourself in the process of finding instant solutions”. There is an authenticity with which God created us and when we try to imitate another, we lose that element of divine originality—the kind that is custom-made for us. Shiny things come our way but remember that external glitter wears out. Marriage is the enemy’s favourite target and he does everything to tear couples apart.
In the poem, I talk about how we get distracted by things of the world and lose focus on God. Why a bouquet of red roses, you may ask. Red is the colour of love and roses are symbolic of partnership. Sometimes, we partner with attractive packages of the world that the other the shade of red that truly matters mean less to us—the blood of Jesus, that is. The wilting of the petals represents how the things of world are short-lived and withers off before you know it. But ONE THING that is constant is the LOVE OF JESUS—it never fails, never runs out and never gives up on us. He is a jealous God but the things of the world are not his competition. Glittery things may come our way but don’t let the shine blind you from what truly matters. It is hard to resist these attractive packages but know that your prize is not on this earth.
Men of this world—including your parents, siblings, partner and friends—may wither off with time but hold onto what does not: God’s love.
ATTENTION Men and Women:
Loyalty is considered really cool in God’s Kingdom. The Word says to “flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart,” (2 Timothy 2:22).
The number of heads that turn when you enter a room is nothing to gloat about but what matters is whether you’d be a part of the headcount in heaven.
Carry yourself with respect and modesty. Do not go searching for love in other men or another’s man; the same applies to men.
Check if you crave for attention from the opposite gender—it is dangerous and a weed that must be uprooted.
Let Jesus be the centre of your marriage—the advisor, the counsellor. Seek no one but Jesus when in times of trouble. People give standard solutions but marriages vary and there is no panacea for it.