Dear Abigail,
You let out a cry as he lifted his hand,
You did not deserve it, not even at the cost of that wedding band,
Charming, intelligent and beautiful—that is what they called you,
But your husband was called a fool, a
And still you kept on defending him,
Crying every night when the lights go dim
The Heavenly Father saw you from above,
He gave you the poise like that of a dove,
He called you loved; He said you’re important,
So, you kept your head held high and not bent
Flipping pages, reading about you,
How your husband treated you like a shoe,
Still to make amends for him, you bowed down,
Clothed in grace, you carried peace—that golden crown
Indeed, ‘tis divine,
Your love changed this heart of mine,
And one day, I hope to be called a peacemaker,
The one who can love even a lawbreaker,
Thank you Abigail for this lesson on peace,
Forever in my heart like an unremovable crease.
Love,
The Distressed Woman
Lately, Kerala has been recording many cases of brutal domestic violence. From physical abuse to threats and murder, the stories are horrid. The most recent one—man sedates wife, forcibly makes a venomous snake bite her. The disturbing bit is that he had done it before, with a different snake though. The wife survived the snake bite the first time but, unfortunately, she did not make it through the second one. Domestic violence and marital abuse—social evils where mostly women are at the receiving end. Who is to blame though? The parents who thought they were doing the right thing by unloading their so-called burden of a girl child on someone else? The silenced girl who is too scared to let down her parents or husband? The judgmental society? Self-righteous Christian circle? How does God react to all this? What does ‘being Christ-like’ look when you are the victim?
In the course of writing this article, I asked several people these questions. While many gave me answers that had a lot of ambiguity, there were others who solely blamed the parents. The girl’s parents for not being cautious and vigilant, and the boy’s parents for not instilling good character. While these reasons may be right, it does not resolve this evil. And just calling it wrong or unfair would be an understatement.
For a fact, I knew that God must have addressed this issue somewhere in the Bible and, I stumbled upon the story of Abigail during my search (1 Samuel 25). Yes, I had read this portion before but I didn’t these questions then. When I re-read it, I got a renewed understanding of this passage. Abigail was a wise woman in a toxic relationship. Saul was king at the time, the prophet Samuel had just died and, David and his men travelled down into the desert of Maon. This is where the conflict took place between David and Nabal, Abigail’s first husband. Nabal was a wealthy man but “he was mean in his dealings” (I Samuel 25:3). I am guessing the wealth got the attention of Abigail’s parents or was there love—nobody knows. Coming back to the story, the passage tells us that David was kind to Nabal and his workers. And, despite his kindness, Nabal was rude when David asked him for some hospitality. “Who is David?” he asked. So much for offering help. David, our angry young man, was agitated by his rudeness that he asked his men to put on their swords in order to take revenge. Nabal’s servants told Abigail about the whole thing—interestingly, word travels faster with them.
18 Abigail acted quickly. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs[b] of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs, and loaded them on donkeys. 19 Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal.
20 As she came riding her donkey into a mountain ravine, there were David and his men descending toward her, and she met them. 21 David had just said, “It’s been useless—all my watching over this fellow’s property in the wilderness so that nothing of his was missing. He has paid me back evil for good. 22 May God deal with David,[c] be it ever so severely, if by morning I leave alive one male of all who belong to him!”
23 When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. 24 She fell at his feet and said: “Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. 25 Please pay no attention, my lord, to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him. And as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my lord sent. 26 And now, my lord, as surely as the Lord your God lives and as you live, since the Lord has kept you from bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hands, may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my lord be like Nabal. 27 And let this gift, which your servant has brought to my lord, be given to the men who follow you.
Abigail did not let fear hold her back; she went ahead in God’s courage and wisdom. This is what most people lack today—God’s courage and wisdom. No matter how enigmatic the situation is remember that, ‘He(God) that is in us is greater than he that is of the world.’ Abigail showed wisdom in making amends on behalf of her husband and this is what changed David’s heart. She took control of the situation that was potentially dangerous not only for her but several others.
Another important lesson that she taught me is to be humble and kind and seek peace with those around you. Abigail begged for forgiveness for something she did not do; it wasn’t just on behalf of her husband but her entire household. The best part is that God used her humility to show David that taking revenge against innocent lives is wrong. Abigail sought to make peace with the very person who her husband had angered. The winsome peacemaker is also loyal and faithful—attributes of a true warrior. She thought of others before herself—her selfless act stymied mass murder.
I may not have answered all the questions but one thing I want you to know is that God is fighting for you. God fought for Abigail, just as He so faithfully fights for us today. If you are in a tough marriage, remember to consult God before taking any drastic decision—He sees, He knows and He will show you the way.
“Our Heavenly Father has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind”
-2 Timothy1:7
P.S: Don’t forget to tell your mountain about God—be it your abusive husband or wife.