Dear Jesus,

I struggle to find the words to express the weight of my remorse,
Each syllable feels like a stone, dragging me deeper into the abyss of my wrongdoing.
My tongue tied in knots of regret,
Each breath a burden, each heartbeat a reminder
Of the weight of my treachery,
The silver coins, like shards of glass,
They mock me with their gleam,
A mocking reminder of the price I paid for my soul.
But what use are riches when they come at the cost of friendship, of love?
I traded the purest of bonds for fleeting wealth,
and now I am left to drown in the river of regret.

Your forgiveness feels like a distant dream,
A flickering flame in the darkness of my despair.
I kissed away salvation, trading it for fleeting riches.
Yet, in your boundless mercy, you still called me ‘friend’.
How can I bear the agony of such undeserved grace?
Can you still see the friend I once was, beyond the shadows of my betrayal?
I beg for your mercy, for the chance to be redeemed in your eyes.

I cannot bear the burden of my guilt any longer.
The weight of my sins crushes me, suffocates me.
I am consumed by the storm raging within me, by the agony of my own conscience.

Forgive me, dear Jesus, if you can.
Remember me not for my failings, but for the love I once held in my heart.
I am sorry for forsaking you,
The glitter of coins blinded me to the true wealth of your love,
Now I realize the emptiness of worldly riches.
They cannot fill the void left by my betrayal.
I was wealthy before the coins, rich in your love and friendship.
But it is too late for regrets now.

May your light endure, even as I fade into the shadows.
Hold onto the memory of our bond, however tarnished it may be.
Forgive me, Jesus, for I am but a broken vessel, consumed by remorse.

Your Guilty Friend,
Judas

Footnotes:

Talking about suicide can feel like walking on eggshells, right?

In our world today, people often oversimplify suicide and rush to judge those who struggle with it. Unfortunately, even within Christian communities, there’s a misconception that those who take their own lives are automatically condemned to hell. But here’s the thing: if someone has genuinely turned to Jesus, seeking forgiveness and putting their trust in Him, that decision stands firm.

It’s like this verse in the Bible, Romans 6:23, which says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

That means once we’re in Jesus’ hands, nothing can snatch us away, not even our own mistakes. So let’s remember, God’s love and forgiveness are bigger than any of our mess-ups, and that includes struggles with mental health. Let’s extend grace and compassion, just as Jesus does for us every day.

Suicide is a serious matter, often likened to the gravity of murder in Scripture (Exodus 20:13; 21:23). However, just like any other sin, it can be forgiven through God’s grace (Colossians 2:13-14). The Apostle Paul reassures us in Romans 8:38-39 that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

For those who are truly saved by God’s grace, even if they were to succumb to the darkness of suicide during a moment of extreme weakness, they would find themselves welcomed into heaven (Jude 1: 24). However, it’s crucial to examine the faith of those who contemplate or commit suicide, as it may reveal a lack of genuine salvation.

Throughout Scripture, God’s children are depicted as having hope and purpose in life (Acts 24:15; Romans 5:2-5, 8:24; 2 Corinthians 1:10). Those who entertain thoughts of suicide often do so because they lack these vital aspects in their lives.

Moreover, persistent thoughts of suicide are indicative of a heart practising sin (Proverbs 23:7), contrary to the nature of one born of God (1 John 3:9). Additionally, suicide can reflect a rejection of Jesus’ lordship, as the individual takes their life into their own hands instead of submitting to God’s will (Matthew 7:23).

While it’s conceivable for a true believer to fall into such despair, it’s deemed an uncommon occurrence. Ultimately, our hope rests in God’s unfailing love and the transformative power of His grace, even in our darkest moments.

So, as we ride this rollercoaster called life, let’s keep this in mind: even when things get tough, God’s love is like our trusty sidekick–which is more than enough for us, and His grace? It’s like our GPS, always guiding us home.