The usual annual cleaning of the shelf,
A deep breath, calming the inner self,
Surely there were remnants of pain and despair,
Letters, bracelets, sticky notes—all those pieces there,
Forget and let go, they said,
But can we really forget that you’re dead?
Maybe time will heal,
And perhaps, we will no longer feel,
pain, bitterness and everything in between,
Swallow, they said; just move on and clean.
Footnotes:
Heartworm (n): a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished.
Last year, I got to speak to Dr Mridul Bhasin who co-founded an NGO that focuses on building a culture of road safety. It was the tragic death of their daughter in a road accident that birthed this NGO, called ‘Muskaan’—which translates to ‘smile’.
Although it had been over two decades since Dr Mridul lost her daughter, there was poignancy in her tone while she narrated the story. Here is an excerpt from the original story that was published in The WEEK in 2021.
May 3, 1999—it was not a regular Monday for 17-year-old Durva Bhasin. While her classmates were headed to school, she was off to her Kathak dance practical exam. It was a morning of preparation and mental rehearsal of the intricate footwork, fast pirouettes, graceful movements and exquisite expressions. She also had stories to tell as this dance form is attributed to the travelling bards of ancient northern India known as ‘kathakars’ or storytellers. But little did she know that her stories would not be heard that day. A split second changed everything. The dancing storyteller was hit by a school bus on her way; her stories forever silenced. It was too late before she got help; she succumbed to injuries. According to her family, it was a case of hit and run.
“Nobody helped her; nobody called 108,” says Durva’s mother Dr Mridul Bhasin. “The school bus (on contract) was being driven by a government driver who had joined back that very day after being suspended for drunk driving. Neither did the driver nor the teachers stop to help her.” That morning, the Bhasin family saw a vibrant teenager go from ‘full of life’ to lifeless. For Pramod and Mridul, their daughter, and for Shantanu, his younger sister. However, the devasted family decided to embrace the true essence of making beauty from the ashes. This thought birthed Muskaan—an NGO that focuses on building a culture of road safety. “Durva was an ever-smiling girl, sensitive about other people’s pain. We named it Muskaan after our daughter to keep her spirit alive and to see other people smile.”
This story was one of the emotional stories I worked on. I had teary eyes when I finished writing it and it also taught me the importance of the verse, Genesis 50:20 – “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
I realised how much we dwell on loss and get into a spiral of negativity instead of consulting God during our crisis. Funny, how we are given this privilege to run to Him yet we overlook that element and drown in self-pity. Almost all of us have lost someone or something precious to us but how have we dealt with it?
When God sent His ONLY BELOVED SON, how did He deal with it? For God, that surely was loss—seeing His only Son tortured and crucified. But He is a God who takes what the enemy meant for evil and turn it for good.
Christ’s death was a victory! —God won us through His Son’s bloodshed. God also knew that this painful transaction was a matter of three days, because the victorious resurrection happened after two days of silence.
I have seen how loss makes people bitter. There is frustration, anger, guilt and vengeance— a toxic concoction of emotions. However, it is pain that endures and gives life its meaning. Like Dr Mridul, can we be encouraged to see beyond our pain and revert it for good, both for ourselves and the ones around us? Isn’t that what God wants us to do? —to take all the pain, shame, guilt, fear and anger to His throne room, and convert it into a blueprint to do good and glorify His name!
Remember that there is a plan in pain,
Remember to worship in the wait,
And remember, to rejoice during resurrection.
Loss, is but for a season. However, there is a big reason behind every loss. Step into God’s throne room and ask Him for purpose in your pain.